guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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