Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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