Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
