Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
