i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
