Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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