Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
tell me about the eggs
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
