we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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