I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
