I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
