you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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