He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
