Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
