why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize