dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
