these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
