Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
