woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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