i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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