omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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