I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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