Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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