I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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