i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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