i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
