ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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