Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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