***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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