I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
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So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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