It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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