me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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