this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
