so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
