dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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