bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i drank out of a bidet.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
