PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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