you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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