was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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