i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
