toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
