Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
