before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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