I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
