made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
