the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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