My liver just broke up with me...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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