Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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