So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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