Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
