Kiss
Puke
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
