she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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