Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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