Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We're using joints as your birthday candles
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If I die, sorry about rent.
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