Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
