I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
