No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
