I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize