I feel great
I just peed on a car
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
