New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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