It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
