I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
