I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.