i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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