apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK