Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
