you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Randomize
