I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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