69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
