my phone needs a breathalizer
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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