i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
