Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
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Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
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It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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